I Wish

Someday, I hope I earn your respect. For the meantime, let's just both shut up. :) ily.

Have you read more than 6 of these books? The BBC believes most people will have read only 6 of the 100 books listed here.

Instructions: Copy this into your NOTES. Bold those books you've read in their entirety, italicize the ones you started but didn't finish or read an excerpt. Tag other book nerds. Tag me as well so I can see your responses!

1. Pride and Prejudice- Jane Austen

2 The Lord of the Rings – JRR Tolkien

3 Jane Eyre – Charlotte Bronte

4 Harry Potter series – JK Rowling

5 To Kill a Mockingbird – Harper Lee

6 The Bible

7 Wuthering Heights – Emily Bronte

8 Nineteen Eighty Four – George Orwell

9 His Dark Materials – Philip Pullman

10 Great Expectations – Charles Dickens 

11 Little Women – Louisa M Alcott

12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles – Thomas Hardy 

13 Catch 22 – Joseph Heller

14 Complete Works of Shakespeare

15 Rebecca – Daphne Du Maurier

16 The Hobbit – JRR Tolkien

17 Birdsong – Sebastian Faulks

18 Catcher in the Rye – JD Salinger

19 The Time Traveller’s Wife – Audrey Niffenegger

20 Middlemarch – George Eliot

21 Gone With The Wind – Margaret Mitchell 

22 The Great Gatsby – F Scott Fitzgerald

23 Bleak House – Charles Dickens

24 War and Peace – Leo Tolstoy

25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – Douglas Adams

26 Brideshead Revisited – Evelyn Waugh

27 Crime and Punishment – Fyodor Dostoyevsky  

28 Grapes of Wrath – John Steinbeck

29 Alice in Wonderland – Lewis Carroll

30 The Wind in the Willows – Kenneth Grahame 

31 Anna Karenina – Leo Tolstoy

32 David Copperfield – Charles Dickens

33 Chronicles of Narnia – CS Lewis 

34 Emma – Jane Austen

35 Persuasion – Jane Austen

36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe – CS Lewis 

37 The Kite Runner – Khaled Hosseini

38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin – Louis De Berniere

39 Memoirs of a Geisha – Arthur Golden

40 Winnie the Pooh – AA Milne

41 Animal Farm – George Orwell

42 The Da Vinci Code – Dan Brown

43 One Hundred Years of Solitude – Gabriel Garcia Marquez

44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney – John Irving

45 The Woman in White – Wilkie Collin

46 Anne of Green Gables – LM Montgomery

47 Far From The Madding Crowd – Thomas Hardy

48 The Handmaid’s Tale – Margaret Atwood

49 Lord of the Flies – William Golding

50 Atonement – Ian McEwan

51 Life of Pi – Yann Martel

52 Dune – Frank Herbert

53 Cold Comfort Farm – Stella Gibbons

54 Sense and Sensibility – Jane Austen 

55 A Suitable Boy – Vikram Seth

56 The Shadow of the Wind – Carlos Ruiz Zafon

57 A Tale Of Two Cities – Charles Dickens 

58 Brave New World – Aldous Huxley  

59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time – Mark Haddon

60 Love In The Time Of Cholera – Gabriel Garcia Marquez  

61 Of Mice and Men – John Steinbeck

62 Lolita – Vladimir Nabokov

63 The Secret History – Donna Tartt 

64 The Lovely Bones – Alice Sebold 

65 Count of Monte Cristo – Alexandre Dumas

66 On The Road – Jack Kerouac

67 Jude the Obscure – Thomas Hardy 

68 Bridget Jones’s Diary – Helen Fielding

69 Midnight’s Children – Salman Rushdie

70 Moby Dick – Herman Melville 

71 Oliver Twist – Charles Dickens

72 Dracula – Bram Stoker

73 The Secret Garden – Frances Hodgson Burnett

74 Notes From A Small Island – Bill Bryson

75 Ulysses – James Joyce 

76 The Bell Jar – Sylvia Plath

77 Swallows and Amazons – Arthur Ransome

78 Germinal – Emile Zola

79 Vanity Fair – William Makepeace Thackeray

80 Possession – AS Byatt 

81 A Christmas Carol – Charles Dickens

82 Cloud Atlas – David Mitchell

83 The Color Purple – Alice Walker

84 The Remains of the Day – Kazuo Ishiguro 

85 Madame Bovary – Gustave Flaubert

86 A Fine Balance – Rohinton Mistry 

87 Charlotte’s Web – EB White

88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven – Mitch Albom

89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes – Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

90 The Faraway Tree Collection – Enid Blyton

91 Heart of Darkness – Joseph Conrad

92 The Little Prince – Antoine De Saint-Exupery

93 The Wasp Factory – Iain Banks 

94 Watership Down – Richard Adams

95 A Confederacy of Dunces – John Kennedy Toole

96 A Town Like Alice – Nevil Shute 

97 The Three Musketeers – Alexandre Dumas 

98 Hamlet – William Shakespeare 

99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – Roald Dahl 

100 Les Miserables – Victor Hugo



So Much, Too Little

Contrary to what other people might think, I actually pray a lot.  I'm not the type to be involved in church or religious groups, but one thing that my DWTL weekend has taught me, is to pray sincerely and spontaneously.  Ask. Listen. Trust. 

I've been praying for a sign to help answer a dilemma.  I'm not really a huge fan of signs, but they've worked for me before, so I decided to give it another try.  I asked for a specific sign.  Jess answered it two times.  It was pretty scary when He answered it that fast (and twice).  But Dear God, if that's your answer then help me understand and enlighten me.  But nevertheless, THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

Sometimes, I pray for too much, but my faith and trust is too little for the blessings You are willing to give me.  I am sorry if I find myself overwhelmed with your blessings.  My heart is small sometimes, but Your love is eternally big--I hope I never forget that. And yes God, I will open my heart. :) 

On other news, I have resolved not to write anything for you.

  

For (Future) New Love

I think we only hate people with a passion when there was love to start with.  I know you're coming and I'm pretty hopeful that you are coming soon because my heart no longer feels empty--instead it is full of anticipation for our meeting. Because I want to hate you when I meet you.  I want to hate you fiercely and love you as intensely.  Come soon so we can hate each other as much as we love each other. 

I DO NOT LOVE YOU EXCEPT BECAUSE I LOVE YOU

by Pablo Neruda

I do not love you except because I love you;

I go from loving to not loving you,

From waiting to not waiting for you

My heart moves from cold to fire.

I love you only because it's you the one I love;

I hate you deeply, and hating you

Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you

Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.

Maybe January light will consume

My heart with its cruel

Ray, stealing my key to true calm.

In this part of the story I am the one who

Dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,

Because I love you, Love, in fire and blood.

Setting Up the Tree

Lia wanted to set up and decorate the Christmas tree today. She's been begging to do it since Monday.  So we finally let her do it this morning.  More than a month before Christmas, and yes, we have a Christmas tree--decorated with love by a 4 year old and her 25 year old aunt (who is still as excited for Christmas).

After about two hours of intense decorating, we finally finished the first part of our tree.  Our tree decoration usually comes in about 3 or 4 parts, depending on the budget.  We now have pink, silver and red decorations. The ribbons, and lights will come after two weeks.  Finishing touches in another two weeks. I usually decide that the tree's really finished a week before Christmas.  So I won't be posting pictures yet, but do watch out for it. I'm especially proud of this year's tree because Lia did most of the decorating, :)

Lia is finally asleep now.  She got really tired after all that hard work.

Don't you just love Christmas and kids? :)

Saying Goodbye to Childhood, Saying Goodbye to NU

It's been years since I've had my radio on for hours. The last time I had it on, I was listening to the same station, crying over a stupid boy.


I'm streaming NU 107 now, and I feel like crying over a radio station. 


It's so hard to say goodbye to the first radio station I fell in love with.  NU provided me with the soundtracks to my failed romances, my Christmases and epic New Years, my sleepless nights spent and wasted studying for exams (and doing lesson plans). It's going to be awfully lonely come New Year's Eve, when I won't have NU to countdown with.


I can still remember the angsty teenage me--listening to Nine Inch Nails, Silverchair and Stabbing Westward. It was strange to be happy because you were angry.  I guess you're allowed to be angry when you're young.  How sad to realize that this generation's angsty teenagers won't be listening to the same bands that made hating the world less violent and less emo. 


I can also remember college days, when I'd listen to NU right after I got home from school. I was pretty updated with the local bands during that time.  It made falling in love hardcore.  The best dates were spent in PULP parties and gigs--all of which we knew because of NU.  Sugarfree, Imago, Barbie's Cradle, Mojofly.  I remember thinking how they knew exactly how I was feeling at that time. Holy crap, they all started with NU--no matter what the other radio stations say. Who's going to give a chance to new bands, now?


I remember finally stepping into the real world and feeling shitty, scared, excited at the same time. I guess you know what I was listening to before my job interviews.


They have Ebe of Sugarfree on air now. For the last time. I can still remember when not too many people knew about Sugarfree. And I did. Because of NU. 


He's singing Moon River now. My ultimate sad song. 


I will miss you NU 107 when you sign off forever. You will always be loved and remembered.

Fangirl moment. :)

BLAIR I'll never like you, either. In fact, I hate you. 

CHUCK I hate you, too. 

BLAIR I’ve never hated anyone more.

November

It's November. Happy Birthday, Nanay and Saj! :)

When Inspiration (and Evil Plans) Strike

Your weight pressed heavy on my chest.  It was getting difficult to breathe.  Do it. It's 6 am. Wake up. It's too early for this. Now. Okay, okay. 

So I'm up too early on a Sunday because I was inspired to write and because I realized I finally have a plan.  

Good morning, monsters!  Happy Halloween!

  

Which One are YOU?

1. I think about you more than I would want to.  You make me smile a lot. Do I make you smile too? :)
2. I wanted to tell you something. I needed you. You didn't care.
3. Good job, you!
4. I love you. I love you. I love you.
5. You are freaking ugly.
6. Did you ever consider how I'd feel?
7. I'm yours. :)
8. I miss you terribly, terribly, terribly.
9. I want to see you.
10. I need you as much as you need me. Sometimes I feel I need you more.
11. Hello, you!
12. You cut me deep.
13. I miss you too.
14. You're so near yet so far.
15. You scare me.
16. I don't understand you.
17. You and I have a long overdue date.
18. Why'd you even ask me if you wanted me to say no?
19. You amaze me.  I don't even know you, but you amaze me.
20. You deserve another line because in between #1 and #20, you entered my mind too many times. :)

because I'm such a wuss.

No More Tears

Maybe there is some truth to it.  


We all go around, trying to look for people who will be there when we need them.  We desperately reach out to people who don't give a damn, when in reality, we know very well who will listen and will know exactly what to say. 


I don't have to run that far next time. You are just a phone call away. You're all I need. :)


Why do you know exactly how I feel?  Why do know how to shut me up the right way?

This Morning

It's surreal to be riding bikes with you at sunrise.

You know exactly how to pick me up when I'm feeling way too low. 

So you're unofficially broken up. Now what?

Bursts of Happiness

are we always going to be secret weekend-ers? i don't think i'd mind at all. 

ily.

always.

Someday, I hope to find someone who will not only be there on weekends, but especially on weekdays when I feel like crap and I'm jaded and uninspired. How long must I wait? Why can't you be the one?

Don't

was it too much this time?

i'm sorry.

On Coffee Cups (2005)

my first and last radio storytelling gig. :)


She has no name. Or at least, it was unknown to me. She’s one of those people whom you knew by face because she went to the places you went to and hung out with the people you knew, but never had a name to go with the familiar face.

I’ve asked her for a light a couple of times already. In fact, I’ve even had more decent conversations with her than most of the people I knew. My friends know her. I never really had the guts to ask her what her name was. Sometimes I’m just too chicken. Or maybe it was because it felt like we knew each other so well that it was quite queer for me to ask.

It’s not like I’ve never tried to get hold of her name. I’ve tried remembering who introduced us, or how we met each other, and tried to dig up anything that would sound like her name. But it feels like I’ve known her forever that I don’t even remember the day we met—not because it was unimportant to remember, but because it’s as if we’ve known each other for so long. And it just simply fascinates me how I can know someone so well, but at the same time, not know the most basic detail about her.

I had coffee with her and my friends this afternoon. Of course, there were no introductions—we were almost together as a barkada. Barkadas don’t need introductions. She sat there and laughed at my jokes and listened to my stories. I looked into her eyes and realized that she knew me by face, and she knew my name. I felt every bit guilty for not knowing enough, for knowing too little.

She wasn’t beautiful. But she was fascinating. There was always something about her I could never understand. The way she laughed, the way she spoke and the way she looked at things differently—these are just some of the things that got me lost in awe when we were together.

Today, as she drank her coffee, she made fun of her haircut, which according to her looked so Bon Jovi. Eliza breaks into laughter as she pulled her ponytail and let her insanely layered do fall into an almost retro mess.

“I’ll never let a gay hairdresser touch my hair again,” she laughed.

“Don’t worry, it’ll grow back,” the other girls told her.

Her hair did look like Bon Jovi’s hair back in the 80’s. It was crazy. 

While they tried to contain their laughter, I watched her gentle bangs fall over her left eye. I watched her pull her hair back again into her disguising ponytail to show off the pair of chandelier earrings she borrowed from Eliza. After she made Eliza take her picture, she smiled at me and giggled. I stopped staring.

Then she stopped clowning around and reached out to Eliza. 

“I need human contact,” she said in a small voice. She kissed Angela on the cheek and tried to cuddle up with her.

“I need a hug!”

She was a child. She wasn’t needy or clingy, like some people thought she was. Or on the other hand, maybe she was, because children are clingy and needy—and she was still a child. Can anyone else see that child in her?

“Do you think I’m weird?” She asked me with a laugh. “I need warmth.”

I smiled back and shook my head. I wondered why she’d need warmth when we were in a cozy coffee shop and it was such a warm afternoon outside. Maybe I was too shallow to understand the warmth she was looking for.

She took Margaret’s hand and snuggled closer. Then she talked about death as casually as we would talk about gossip. She made it seem as if it was as normal as breathing, or rain, or love. She was one of those people who died little deaths everyday. She dies when she wants to and at her own pace because after all, she gets born when she feels like it, anyway. She was too melodramatic, but she was optimistic. Maybe she just remembers too much. I remember how she speaks of years of memories as if they all happened yesterday.

I must have been staring at her again, because she suddenly pointed at her coffee cup for me to look at.

“Look,” she said, “all my name’s worth is a measly paper cup with cold coffee.”

She pouted then she looked at me with really sad eyes. Her stare burned my heart. It scorned me for not knowing her name.

“It’s sad,” she told me. She closed her hands around her paper cup then she pushed it towards me.

And then I realized how silly I was for not looking at the name scrawled on her paper cup. I took her cup and looked at it. I held her name in my hands. M-I-K-A. The messy letters made out her name. It was ironically shocking and expected at the same time. I looked at the glass panel beside me and her faint reflection stared back at me. My nameless fascination, whose name is worth nothing but a paper cup, looked at me with my own eyes. She has always been me. And I’ve always been her.

My Personal Rainclouds

There are people whose sole purpose in life is to rain on your parade.  Whether you like it or not, they loom over you, conveniently waiting to drench you when you least expect it. They're not necessarily enemies--sometimes, they're closer than we'd like them to be.


I work with two of my personal rainclouds--as if the stresses of the daily grind ain't enough, they pounce on me like wild tigers, ready to attack at the slightest sign of happiness. 


I think I deserve to be happy, even if they won't let me be.  Everyone deserves to be happy, it's just plainly difficult for some people to see me happy. Ally McBeal once said that she wasn't equipped to be happy.  My rainclouds aren't equipped to see me happy.  I think it comforts them to see me annoyed, stressed or sad. We all need something constant in our lives. I"m that constant thing in their lives.


Well, no matter how dark my rainclouds are, I gotta live with them. Can't really do anything about it. I guess I just have to be eternally ready with an umbrella and rainboots. :)  It's always fun jumping in mudpuddles, anyway.


Bring it on, my personal rainclouds, I'm ready for you this time. :)

halfway through 25

i am almost halfway through being 25.  I used to think 25 was so old. Now that I'm 25, i feel like i haven't really accomplished anything yet--so I take that back, 25 isn't that old.

today, i am promising myself to visit the following places before i turn 26.

1. Baguio
2. Manaoag
3. Ilocos

then, right before i'm 30, i'd like to go to NYC, please. :)

10.23.10

this cold night won't fade
like these cold stolen kisses
if our dreams were true

project 365

I've been wanting to start a project 365 for months now. To practice my photography, I wanted to start a P-a-D (picture a day) project, but i realized how overly boring my daily routine is, so  I really won't get much practice in taking pictures.


A few days ago, a friend told me to start a writing project 365--write something everyday.  I guess that'd work, since my creative juices have long dried out. But my monsters are so much bigger than I am (writer's block, un-inspiration, cliche, being boring) that I'm a little afraid to start. 


Hmmmm....what to do now?

Gravity

originally titled For Planet Moon from Island Star, January 24, 2007


I hate the way it's always you 
and it's never me. 

But i hate it more 
when it starts to be me 
and it 
stops 
to be you. 

I hate the way you push me away 
while i desperately try to pull myself towards you. 
That's not how gravity works--
you're supposed to pull me closer.

I hate the way i hear you whisper 
but you never hear me scream.

I hate the way you let me hear 
but won't let me listen.

I hate the way i start with words,words,words 
and more words 
and you end everything 
with a period.